Two Lies and a Truth: why I started my blog
The Lie:
If I avoid it and pretend it never happened, my rape will fade like a bad cold.
For over 14 years, I told myself a version of this lie, all while going on a rollercoaster of emotions, relationships, and toxic activities. I created a strong and confident persona, but behind the curtains, I was falling apart. Anyone who got close enough to draw back the shades saw all the hurt, damage, and hopelessness.
The Lie
Finding my “other half” will make me whole.
I hoped that finding someone who could love me would help me love myself. I thought that person’s love and acceptance would piece me back together and strengthen me to push forward onto a new and clear path. However, I ended up finding people who not only exposed those holes in my bold persona, but made them bigger, breaking me more and taking me further off course.
This shift didn’t happen overnight and it is a slow, but constant, rebuilding of myself, by myself. That doesn’t mean I don’t have a huge amount of help and support - but it was on me to determine what I needed and how I was going to move forward, rising above for real this time. I work every day to heal my mind, body, and soul from what someone broke in me 14 years ago.
So why did I start publicly sharing my raw and messy journey?
I found my voice, my true voice, somewhere over the last couple years. It is with this voice, that I hope to help those who are or were in my position, broken into many pieces, find their whole selves again and know that they are not alone and that their trauma does not define them.
The question you are asking yourself: “So why am I here?”
The purpose of my blog is the following:
To heal: I am using this as part of my healing process, the next step for me is sharing my story - the good, the uncomfortable, and the ugly. If my journey serves as a guide for you to heal, then it has served its purpose.
To empower: This is not meant to be just about my rape, that is not how I live my life and my rape may be a chapter, but is not my whole story. This blog is not meant to relive that day, 14 years ago, but to provide a stepping stone to build confidence and to define your own, your true, path forward.
To unite: By breaking my silence, I have taken the next step in my journey and that couldn’t have been done without a community supporting me. My hope is that this becomes a safe place for you to share your stories, creating a community of support, hope, and love.
To love: I felt so broken and damaged for the longest time. I definitely did not love myself, which made it close to impossible to find love with others. The intention of this space, this community, helps you find a way to love yourself and eventually others - finding meaningful and lasting relationships.
It was not my choice to be raped, but it is my choice on how I rise above and survive.
““Love takes off masks that we fear we cannot live without and know we cannot live within.””
